The Harper Loyalty Rewards Program: Updated

While I await with less than bated breath for the announcement today of Dear Leader's cabinet shuffle, the press has been all agog about it, offering rampant specualtion as to who will provide the new and fresh facade over the crumbling and morally bereft regime.

If the pattern of past autocracies holds true, we can expect those most unflinching in their loyalties, no matter the price they have had to pay in pre-existing integrity (a big assumption, I know) and public disdain, to be amply rewarded. Using that criterion, I can think of no worthier recipients of government elevation than Kellie Leitch and Pierre Poilivre, both of whom I have written about previously in this blog.

Note the deftness with which Leitch avoids giving anything remotely resembling an answer in the following interview, while perfectly extolling party propaganda:

Mind you, not everyone has been impressed by Ms Leitch. Her performance regarding the Wright payoff scandal left some listeners to As It Happens unsatisfied:

It is, however, a toss-up with Pierre Poilievre as to who merits the bigger reward. Note young Pierre's ideological purity:

Or how about this?

Despite his stellar service and loyalty to Dear Leader, there are those who question him:

For any who might have lost sleep pondering the possibilities, we are told that the suspense will end at around 11:00 a.m. today.

UPDATE: Of the two, it appears Kellie Leitch accumulated the most loyalty points, securing the cabinet post of Minister of Labour, while Pierre gets the minor reward of Minister of State for Democratic Reform. (I never heard of that one either, but can't think of a better Orwellian choice.)

I know; I can barely contain my excitement either.