Nearer My God To Thee

While Donald Trump was yesterday holding forth on Hurricane Florence in a manner that might make even a fourth-grader cringe (“They haven't seen anything like what's coming at us in 25, 30 years, maybe ever. It's tremendously big and tremendously wet. Tremendous amounts of water," Trump said in the Oval Office), the grandfather of crazed evangelicals everywhere was offering reassurances to his flock.

In a remarkable act of hubris, old pastor Pat Robertson suggested that he will save all good white Virginian Christians and the Christian Broadcasting Network in Virginia from impending doom:

“I don’t want that thing to come in,” Robertson said. “I don’t want it to hurt Regent, I don’t wait it to hurt CBN, I don’t want it to tear up the beautiful campus, I don’t want it to tear these trees down, I don’t want to see any damage, I don’t want a bunch of glass flowing, and I don’t want [damage] all over this area that is counting on us to pray for them.”

Robertson then commanded Florence, in the name of Jesus, to change its path away from land and to spin off into the Atlantic ocean.

We declare in the name of the Lord that you shall go no farther, you shall do no damage in this area,” he said. “We declare a shield of protection all over Tidewater and we declare a shield of protection over those innocent people in the path of this hurricane. In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!”

Unless you are gifted with a cast-iron constitution, I don't suggest you watch the full 3:25 minutes of the good pastor's exhortation:

It's Official: Trump Won The Debate

So declares America's favourite crazed evangelical, Pat Robertson. Presumably, his assessment came from on high.

He's Back At It Again

Personal duties are currently cutting into my time for blogging, but I hope the following once more helps to demonstrate reasons for my disdain of the right-wing evangelical mind. He starts off reasonably enough, but by the end, one will likely thank the deity that Pastor Pat is not a hospital chaplain.

For Those Of You Who Missed Sunday Services Today ....

You can derive some inspiration from the always risible but earnest Pat Robertson, about whom I like to periodically post for the benefit of everyone's spiritual renewal. BYW, this moment is brought to you by The Mound of Sound, who obviously sensed my recent spiritual dryness when he alerted me to this.

Watch as Pastor Pat suggests a solution to an elderly acolyte's financial problems, a solution which, curiously, does not involve ending her tithing to the church:

Sunday Sermon

As a special service for those of you who missed attending your house of worship today, I offer the following two orators for your discernment. You will notice a common theme as they discuss the impending wrath of their very strange, intolerant deity:



You will have to click here to 'enjoy' a fiery rant by someone named Rick Wiles, who seems theologically tuned in to Pastor Pat's frequency.

A Warning For Our American Cousins

I had a busy morning and so was unable to put up anything on the blog earlier, but thankfully, the pace of the day has slowed sufficiently for me to post this warning from Pastor Pat about what happens to a country when it loses "pure, undefiled religion."

I pray that it is not too late for the the land of the free and home of the brave:



Click here if you would like to read about other augeries portending doom.

Why Do I Mock Pat Robertson And His Kindred Brethren?

This is why. I have to say, I've never seen the old fella go on such a protracted tear before:

But Can He Heal Himself?

That well-known metaphysician to the fundamentalist Christian soul, 'Doctor' Pat Robertson, prescribes some strong medicine to combat an infectious workplace agent:

Why Would You Be Enslaved To A Vegetable?

Vegetable, get behind me! So intones Pastor Pat Robertson in one of his finest hours. Watch and be saved, brothers and sisters!

And Just When You thought It Was Safe To Go Back To Facebook

Pastor Pat has a warning for those given to 'abhorrent' practices.

Pastor Pat On 'The Blessings Of Discipline'

Many will doubtlessly be reassured by Pastor Pat Robertson's ongoing enthusiasm for biblical discipline, although they might be wondering if it is appropriate for him to darkly allude to the sorts of things that happen to young men in prison:

Giving The Devil His Due

I sometimes worry that I do not give sufficient coverage to my favourite crazed evangelical, Pat Robertson. A quick review of this year's posts shows that I offered a mere nine stories on God's anointed one during 2014. In the interests of staying on the 'right' side of God, or at least the smiting version so favoured by the Rev. Pat, I will end 2014 with this year's tenth post.

The good folks at Addicting Info and RightWing Watch offer the following video of Rev. Robertson's predictions for this past year. It is apparently his practice to 'go up into the mountains' (perhaps for line-of-sight communications with Yahweh?) to get the word about how each year will unfold. I suspect that Robertson's god is Republican, given what He predicted; then again, He might have simply been having a bit of sport with the increasingly addled evangelical; of course, another possibility is that the transmission lines were impeded by the archenemy of us all, the Great Deceiver.

In any case, I shall leave it to you to assess Robertson's prognostications. For a cheat cheat evaluation, you can always click here.

Not That Anyone Asked

...but the always reliable Pastor Pat tells us there is really no reason to worry about the 'gay problem' for reasons he makes clear below:

Says Pat Robertson: "She's Asking For It"

What is she asking for? Why, divine retribution, of course.

Watch. Learn. Repent!

In Which Pastor Pat Discusses 'Safe' Investments

God love Pastor Pat Robertson. Few others can:

That Crazy Old Evangelical Strikes Again

You're never too old, counsels Pastor Pat:

In Which Pat Robertson Makes Even Less Sense Than Usual

I'm completely stumped by this one from my favorite crazed evangelical:

Love 'Em, But Don't Accept Their 'Lifestyle'

Thus speaketh that irascible and crazy old televangelist, Pat Robertson.

Pat Robertson: ‘Love’ your lesbian family member by refusing to accept her (via Raw Story )

On Thursday, televangelist Pat Robertson counseled a 700 Club viewer that the most Christian way for her to behave toward a lesbian in her family is to refuse to be her niece’s “enabler,” and to refuse to give her blessing to her niece’s relationships…

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I Have Missed Him

But he's back! My favourite crazed evangelical, and I hope yours, Pat Robertson, is once again making 'newsworthy' statements. Watch below as this preacher of the preposterous, this evangelical of the extreme, holds forth on yet another topic from his prodigious repertoire of 'expertise'.

On A Lighter Note, Even Pat Robertson Is Embarrassed

It is always a delight when even the crazed religious right begins to splinter. Watch the video below, a five-minute compilation of Bill Nye's recent 'debate' with creationist Ken Ham on evolution, followed by Pat Robertson's reaction to Ham.