Tuesday, September 15, 2015

The Heart Of Harper

Many thanks to MBarrett, who sent me this. If you can't see the graphic too clearly owing to my inexpertise in manipulating screenshots, you can see the original here.

This lithocardium was salvaged several years ago from a dumpster behind the Ottawa General Hospital following Prime Minister Stephen J Harpers transplant upgrade to a flintier organ of greater Mohs hardness number.
This specimen is still functional and may be used for a clean implant or to replace the existing organ of any austerity minded politician, neo conservative, banker, tax auditor, or parking enforcement officer. It has been tested and is guaranteed to be inert and unresponsive.

Anesthesia is clearly unnecessary for the above mentioned candidates and their high viscosity oleohemodynamics make auto-implantability a breeze.

Material: Athabaska cretaceous with fossil inclusions
Color: black
Composition: iron 70%, grits 0%, tar 33%, cynicism 25%, sarcasm 18%
Operating temperature: cold
Melting point: 25% Ipsos Reid Nanos
Modulus of rupture: 50 kRefugee / riding
Abrasion resistant with flaking

Organ may reject recipient. Drugs are advised. Seek the advice of a qualified lithocardiologist.

All proceeds donated to the Canadian Council for Refugees http://ccrweb.ca/en

Disclaimer / Clarification: Some viewers have mistakenly believed the above item to be the normal human heart of Stephen J Harper and asked eBay to remove the item on the grounds of my engaging in human organ trafficking. I apologize for the confusion. As noted under the description, the item for sale is NOT a real, normal human organ and contains 0% human or other biological tissue, empathy, spirit or soul. It is entirely composed of rock stone gravel and other inert material.">here.

No comments:

Post a Comment